User Profile

Ha, I never thought I'd even try this. I have never been good at journals, because it seems, no matter how high a grade I can get in English, the words needed to express what is me elude me. I always knew that a journal, blog, or whatever would be a place where I might finally succeed to capture me on paper, but the concept seems dangerous. My mind is not a constant, it is a variable in the truest, most unfathomable sense of the word. So here goes, (as well as the internal alarm that goes off whenever I am forced to say or type such famous last words...)

First, I am an optimist, not necessarily by nature or by consequence but by choice and by constant effort. The words "Don't worry, be happy" are a self-inflicted motto. I am frightened, no I am horrified by my ever strengthening ability to truly see the world for what it is. As a result of this trap, this cage of a world which we have created for ourselves, I see many of my more insightful yet naive peers caught up in the quagmire of despair that can come of a pessimistic view. For one can not argue that we have not created the world in which we live, not in the biblical sense but in the more relative, perhaps more real sense of the word. BUT for all this, for every time I am brought low by my own realizations of what the world is (for of course the irony of our existence enforces the rule that, for our minds, things must be what we can at our greatest clarity of perceptiveness perceive things to be), I see the infinite joy that is so tightly interwoven into our supposed futile existence. I can feel, see, even touch my own and others joy at knowledge, friendship, comedy, and of course terror, danger, and even pain. The list goes on and on, but it is not really joy itself that drives my optimism. It is the continuous renewal of my faith in people, and thus in humanity. I see bullies at school in their moments of kindness. I see those who were left behind be picked back up or even lift themselves. I see jerks forced for even just a moment to be real and human.

Beyond that first I am religious, even though my mind is by nature a skeptical mind. Through my upbringing and mostly through my own realizations my religion endures. My religion is Christianity, but I am no "fundamentalist" as so many I know are inclined to put it. I am also a democrat by values. For those poor few who believe that Christian-ness and Democrat-ness are by nature opposites, I argue that I am a democrat as much through my interpretation of the bible as through anything else. I am also an advocate of science as any sensible person must be today. Many fear that science is an enemy of religion, but really it only serves to strengthen it. For every large scientific breakthrough, millions of new mysteries are unearthed. The best example I have found is the Big Bang theory...
Before the Big Bang, scientists agree that there was nothing but an infinitesimal speck of matter, and that there is no way of knowing how it all started. Something had to make it all begin, and that unknown origin point is where my faith is based. Even as the bang started, there were trillions of little coincidences throughout the 2 or so minutes that the bang lasted. Coincidences that decided the very laws on which the ensuing universe is based... each of these trillions of coincidental events all "just" happened to swing in our favor, each with a complete bearing on whether or not life would ever be able to occur, much less actually do so.
This, folks is the unending cycle of the renewal of my faith

Now I must have myself a little laugh as I look over what I have written so far. It seems so deep for such a truly carefree person I am in front of other people and perhaps really am at the same time as the forever pondering intellectual I have tried to portray thus far. I laugh at many more things then maybe are funny to some people, for I constantly strive to get every last drop of humor there is to get while I live. I am somewhat known for my nosiness into inside jokes, not because I want to know other's business, but because the people on the inside seemed to get such a kick out of it. I am a very trusting person, and I tend to automatically give every new person the benefit of my trust until they have given me reason not to trust them. This often results in seeming gullibility, but whose loss is it if a person I meet cannot maintain honesty in their lives? I love to learn new things and I love to immerse myself in the worlds that can be made by a skilled author.

Now I have many other more specific interests and hobbies but to list them would not be to truly give a person an idea of who I am. A list of interests only lets a reader pick and choose one of his or her own little stereotypes to cast you as. I have chosen instead to give you an insight into my brain, and tried to perhaps give you a look at what makes me tick. Interests are for the little list at the bottom.

Friends (13):

Mutual Friends (11):

Also Friend of (4):